


Skepticism

by DesertFlower303



Category: The Matrix (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama, F/M, Gen, Multi, Nostalgia, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2004-05-17
Updated: 2004-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-27 05:34:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30117915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertFlower303/pseuds/DesertFlower303
Summary: Trinity is not a believer. Destiny and fate do not rule her life. So what happens when her reality is tested and her world is turned upside down by one man?
Relationships: Apoc/Switch (The Matrix), Thomas Anderson | Neo/Trinity





	1. The Search

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own The Matrix. I will be forever grateful to the Wachowski's for the amazing world they created that is still even after all of these years drawing me in over and over again. 
> 
> This is another older work of mine that I'm rewriting. I'm honestly unsure of exactly when I first put it out there so the publishing dates are a giant guestimation. 
> 
> I've always been fascinated with the idea of who Trinity was before meeting Morpheus and how Neo coming into her life opened her up and changed her perspective so dramatically. 
> 
> This fic is the result of many late nights and endless musings with some of the best people I've had the pleasure to spend time collaborating with. Although I have no idea where most of them are these days (or how their screen names may have changed), they still deserve my thanks for all of the encouragement and feedback they've given me.  
> To Zelda, Silver_Ashes, nurita and ttlg: this fic would never had existed without you. Our forum was life and I miss you all!

I remember how it all started. 

I remember Morpheus’ invigorated expression after we unplugged _him_. 

And before that, I remember his reverent tone when he told us he was destined to find the One. How he and Niobe drifted apart and eventually split up as his quest grew more and more time consuming, and his reverence soon turned into full-blown obsession, infecting or alienating everyone around him. How he gained the reputation of a mad man to almost everyone but us, and then eventually even us after a while. I was only a child then, barely seventeen and newly unplugged, but it still sounded like nonsense to me even then. 

I remember the day he took me to see her. God, do I remember that. That was the day when everything started changing. 

* * *

It was too nice a day inside the alternate reality of the matrix. The sun was shining in way that seemed too pronounced for my comfort, the clouds were impossibly intricately animated, almost too much like the vanilla skies I'd seen in paintings as a child. I remember thinking it made this world seem even more artificial than usual and wondering how it was that so many people still trapped inside couldn’t see what was so obvious to me. But I had always been suspicious of perfection. It made me feel less human somehow. 

"Why are you taking me to her?" I asked Morpheus as we entered the dingy elevator of an even more dingy apartment complex. I didn't see the point in going to some fortune teller when I could be doing something more important, like hacking into the files we needed, helping people get out or tending to my duties on the Neb. The whole thing seemed unnecessary to me, but I humored him out of respect.

Morpheus’ lips simply curled into one of his knowing smiles. ”When I went to see her she told me to bring you to her when you were ready. She did not say why, only that you were going to play an integral part in finding the One." 

_Why did I know that would be a part of all this bull shit!_ I was so sick of hearing about this supposed _One_. And now he was telling me I had an integral role to play in finding them. If I didn't respect him so much or hold his opinion in such a high regard I would've let out an exasperated sigh and told him he was insane. Instead I just took a deep breath and prepared myself for the unexpected. 

* * *

I wasn't always a skeptic. In fact as a child in my old life I'd been a person of faith. But then my brother one day had told me that the tooth fairy, Santa Clause and the Easter bunny didn't exist, all in one day. It sounds dramatic I know, but that one day had an enormous impact on me. Once I found out those things didn't exist I began to wonder what else might not exist. How many lies had I blindly believed about my reality? I became more interested in science and technology than religion because It offered me real answers that I could see, touch, taste, and feel, instead of the empty void of blind faith which had always raised more questions than answers. 

It was this skepticism that eventually led me to believe there was something wrong with the world. I remember taking long walks to clear my head, and instead of marveling as I used to over the nature around me, being overwhelmed by how obviously perfect everything appeared. There were times when I would look at the trees and instead of being intrigued by their shapes, colors, and textures I would search them carefully, desperate to find even one tiny shred of imperfection as evidence to reassure me that I wasn't just living in a dream where nothing was out of place. Sometimes I felt like I was living out an episode of Pleasantville. Everything was just too nice and succinct to be real. Eventually I began to mistrust everything and everyone around me. 

Until I found him. 

He began as a rumor circulating throughout the net and then in the newspapers as a supposed terrorist causing havoc in the city that no one seemed to be able to capture. Every time they got close the headlines would ring the next day with baffled or amused reporter’s views on his puzzling disappearances. 

_Morpheus_. 

There was something ominous about the name. It carried a presence that was impossible to ignore. But there was something more to it than that. I couldn't explain it at first, but I felt unquestionably drawn to this man. In world full of people who seemed infuriatingly compliant to the status quo, he was one of the few who wasn't afraid to break the rules and he was doing it publicly, brazenly, almost as if he wanted to be found. 

Perhaps I was sensing the same spirit of rebellion that had begun to embody. Hell ever since I'd dropped out of high school I'd had a fascination with breaking as many rules as I could without getting caught. I became so good at getting into places I shouldn't be that people started talking about me in hacking circles, desperate to know who the elusive Trinity really was. Maybe if even a single one of these wannabes had paused to think that I wasn’t a man they might have gotten close. None of them ever did. 

My sole concern became finding Morpheus. Not only was he not afraid of authority, but he seemed to believe the law was nothing and that he was above it. My sentiments exactly. Fascination rapidly became too tame a word to describe my interest in finding him. I became obsessed, following every trail, digging through any and all “secure” files I could find on him. In the process I ended up being the first hacker to crack the IRS database, attracting the attention of every authority in town and inevitably him. 

* * *

"Hello Trinity. Do you know who this is?" 

For a few moments I was silent in shock. I knew that voice. I'd heard it on the news a few weeks ago in a recording some reporter had been skillful enough to capture. 

"Morpheus." I stated as calmly as I could through the haze of nervous excitement flooding through me. 

"Correct." Morpheus praised with a hint of pride. “I know that you have been looking for me. I have been observing you for quite some time. I believe it is time that we met. Do you agree?" 

"Hell yes.” I pronounced, beyond ready. 

* * *

Waiting in that club, I felt completely out of place. I'd swindled a fellow hacker of my acquaintance to get me a fake ID being only 15, only to find myself standing up against a wall in my bootleg jeans, ankle boots and dark blue halter-neck top I'd pulled together last minute, gazing uncomfortably at the other women in their skimpy dresses and classy heels. They glanced my way every now and then sniggering at my apparent lack of style. Part of me didn’t blame them. I didn't exactly fit in there and everyone knew it, so I found a secluded corner in one of the back rooms where Morpheus had arranged to meet and tried to remain inconspicuous as I surveyed the crowds of people dancing, drinking and getting high. They all seemed to be having a ball, no concern for the consequences of their reckless behavior. 

_Maybe I should just try to fit in_ I remember thinking. But that wasn't me. I'd given up on finding happiness in that world, always feeling like there was none to be found, or that, even if there was, it would feel just as empty and cold as everything else I knew. I clenched my jaw, fighting back the urge to kick something. 

_Where are you Morpheus?_

Even at first glance they looked suspicious. It was their lack of fashion or style, combined with their obvious lack of mirth and too straight posture that first caught my wandering eyes. They were so out of place that even the most intoxicated people moved aside and stared for a few moments before eventually finding their drinks and partners more interesting. They glanced around the crowds, their masked eyes probing every corner and crevice of the room. As they came closer one of them suddenly put his hand to his ear piece he was wearing and then... 

"Shit!" I swore under my breath as his gaze halted on me for just one second too long and they began advancing in my direction. 

I didn't have time to think, I just ran as fast as I could, somehow, sidestepping them when I entered an alleyway. I was crouching, hidden behind a dumpster when he called me gently. 

"Trinity, I presume?" 

I froze, but not out of fear. I knew that voice. I turned to meet the shielded gaze of a leather clad tank of a man with the most reflective black sunglasses I'd ever seen. 

“You presume correctly, Morpheus." He remained expressionless, a strange sense of calm emanating from his presence.

”If you still want to know the truth, follow me and do exactly as I say." 

If it had been anyone else projecting that kind of authority on me I would have told them to go to hell and never looked back. But there was something about this man. Somehow I knew before he said a word that he had the answers to everything I was searching for.

Needless to say I took the red pill. I didn't even think of turning back.

* * *

My skepticism didn't change much over the years. Finding out the world I'd come to know inside the matrix wasn't real would've turned almost anyone cynical. To me it only proved that my instincts had been right all along, again offering me an answer I could see, touch, taste, and smell. That was all I needed...Or so I thought. 

* * *

When I first laid my eyes on her I thought I’d been the victim of an elaborate prank. This weed smoking, gingerbread making old grandma couldn't possibly be the all knowing oracle Morpheus had spoken so reverently. 

Noticing my apparent confusion, she smiled knowingly. "Hello Trinity," She greeted me warmly. "I know I'm not what you were expecting, but let's see if we can accept that. Why don't you take a seat?" 

I obliged, taking a seat directly opposite her, removing my sunglasses so I could see her more clearly, my vinyl cat suit protesting a little at the movement. 

She gazed at me for a few moments curiously then asked, "Do you know why Morpheus brought you to see me?" 

"Yes." I answered evenly. Of course I knew. Everything he did was somehow related to this One he was supposed to find. 

She smiled eagerly. "And?" 

I stared level at her, unblinking. "And what?" 

"What do you think about it?"

"Being an integral part in finding the One?" She nodded. "I think Morpheus needs another hobby." 

This seemed to amuse her as she chuckled lightly, a small grin on her face. "You won't always be so skeptical Trinity. Something's going to happen to you that will make you believe more strongly in Morpheus' cause than even he does." 

I stared at her incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. There was no way anyone could believe more in Morpheus' cause than he did, especially me. 

She hesitated for a moment, as if she was debating whether or not to continue. “Are you sure you want to hear this?" 

I nodded slowly. "Well you're going to tell me anyway. I might as well hear it." She was humoring me and I wasn't in the mood. For a moment I could relate to Commander Locke. I didn't have time for this shit. 

She looked slightly excited as if she were about to give me some good news. "Morpheus is going to find the One Trinity.” She stated with certainty. “But you’re going to be the one to discover who he really is." 

I raised an eyebrow, becoming increasingly interested, in-spite of myself. 

"You're going to fall in love, Trinity. And that man, the man that you love will be the One." 

I raised my other eyebrow to meet my previous one, and took a very long deep breath. It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. "You can't be serious." I said evenly. Me falling in love was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. And with the One no less! The concept was so foreign to me and yet, in spite of myself, her words seemed to probe at a long forgotten place deep inside me, a strange longing I had disregarded many years ago. Such sentiment had no place in this world. 

She grew serious, her smile fading to a neutral expression. "Believe me Trinity. I'm more serious than you can get." 

"And how exactly will I know I'm in love?" I asked, not even bothering to hide my sarcasm, ignoring the feelings she’d managed to awaken in me. I expected her to get at least a little annoyed, but instead she just shook her head lightly, an unreadable expression on her face. 

"Nobody can tell you Trinity, you'll just know. The fact is he can't be the One without you. He's not going to believe enough in himself to do what he must. When the time comes you'll understand what I mean. But you're only going to get one chance Trinity. What happens then will be completely up to you." 


	2. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trinity is reeling in the wake of the Oracle's revelation. What happens when the very beliefs that have shaped her existence are challenged?

I spent the rest of that day in a daze, barely noticing the mildly concerned looks the crew seemed intent on sending my way as I went about my duties. Just the thought of it all felt ridiculous. I was a soldier. We were fighting a war. The tiniest slip could end up costing me a lot more than my own life. I had to remain focused. Where could love possibly fit into this? It just didn't make sense, no matter how many times I thought it over. _I've never been in love! How would I even know?_ My thoughts were scattered and confused as I worked with a determination I’d never felt before. _It's bull shit! It has to be!_

But as much as I fought to deny it, I began to change over the next few months. I became quieter than usual, more dedicated to my work, isolating myself to avoid people’s questions. I still talked to everyone, but I found myself being more private and reserved, less honest about myself and my thoughts. They must've suspected something, but nobody asked me about it...until Cypher decided to break the silence one morning.

* * *

  
  
"So Trin, what's up with you lately? We haven't heard you say anything of significance in at least two months." 

We were eating breakfast in the mess, and everyone immediately looked in my direction their expressions saying they agreed strongly and wanted an answer. I wanted to run and lock myself away in my room so I could be alone in my thoughts, but I simply stared at him unblinking, daring him to try me. _Why should I tell them?_ I fumed internally, while keeping my face perfectly neutral. I didn’t even understand it myself. Knowing them they’d only make matters worse. 

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell them why I was changing. It scared the living shit out of me to think that one of them might find out. I couldn't handle it. I stood up, leaving my half finished goop on the table and walked briskly toward the core, ignoring the annoyed protests from everyone. I faintly heard Cypher comment that I was sneaking off to see Tank who was on morning watch, but ignored his typically seedy remarks as I picked up my pace a little more, determined to take my frustration out in a way that wouldn't get me demoted very quickly. 

When I reached the core I didn't even bother trying to hold a conversation with Tank who was looking extremely bored as he glanced from screen to screen. 

"Tank! Upload a combat training sim for me! A very difficult one!" 

Maybe I was abusing my rank a bit, but I really didn't care. I had to release the tension somehow. 

Tank glanced around at me obviously surprised, but didn't protest when he saw the look on my face. This was not a time to question me and I was extremely glad he noticed as he hopped up to plug me in, momentarily abandoning his watch. 

_I swear to God I’m going to kill him someday!_ I thought angrily as I kicked ass after ass of pitifully weak programs in a multiple sparing simulation. It was too easy! 

"Haven't you got anything harder?!" I growled in frustration. 

"Not at the moment! I'm still working on a couple with Morpheus and Dozer. I can give you a few more programs at once though. Your limit's ten." 

"Alright then...Give me ten!" I retorted clenching my teeth in annoyance. _We really need upgrades! This is too fucking easy!_

* * *

By the time I’d finally had enough I was shaking with exhaustion, sweat pouring out of my body as I lay there in the construct, catching my breath. I was still angry, but now I wasn’t even sure why. All I knew was I felt increasingly on edge, like something inescapable was growing closer everyday. I hated the thought of losing control. My ability to stay calm and collected was the thing I was most proud of and I wasn’t about to give it up. Not if I could help it. 

“Have you had enough?” Tank’s bright voice broke through my thoughts. He seemed amused by something. 

_How does he do that?_ I wondered. _How does he manage to be so God damn happy all the time?_

“Yes.” I said evenly taking a few deep breaths. “You can pull me out now.” 

“Just a heads up, Morpheus wants a word with you.” Tank informed me after pulling the spike from my head. 

“Did he say what it was about?” I asked a little confused. 

Tank shook his head. “Nope.”

“Great..” I muttered under my breath as I started towards the cockpit. If he was going to ask me what the incident with Cypher was about I didn’t think I was going to be able to answer him. I _knew_ why I reacted the way I did, but I didn’t particularly want to talk about it. Nobody knew what the oracle had said to me and I wanted to keep it that way. If anyone found out, I would never hear the end of it, especially if Cypher or Mouse found out. Mouse was still was too young, curious and naïve and Cypher was just cruel. I would get no sympathy from either of them if they knew. 

I stood outside the cockpit, bracing myself for whatever Morpheus had to say. 

“Come in Trinity.” Morpheus’ calm collected voice came. 

_Does he have eyes in the back of his head or something?_ I wondered. He always seemed to know who was around him even if he couldn’t see them. It was a little unnerving at times. 

I strode over to the co-pilot’s chair and sat down quietly. “What is this about?” I asked firmly. 

“I wanted to ask how you are going. You haven’t been yourself lately and I was wondering whether you wanted to talk about anything.” He sounded genuinely concerned and I was almost tempted to say it all then, but then my defensive side kicked in.

“What do you want me to say?” I was getting frustrated and trying not to show it. I hated it when people asked me personal questions. 

“I know something about what the oracle told you is bothering you Trinity. That is when you started to change. Is there anything you want to tell me?” 

The only other person I would have tolerated such prying from was Tank. Part of me wanted to tell him but the larger part of me didn’t want to fuel his obsession, even if sharing it with him meant having somebody would understand why the hell I was going so crazy. How could I just ignore this stupid prophecy and this stupid One when I was supposed to fall in love with this stupid One so that he could fulfill this damn prophecy? Even more frustratingly, how could I just ignore the way my heart had involuntarily sped up when she’d told me? But I couldn’t tell Morpheus right then. Admitting to my self that I was scared was one thing, but admitting it to my captain was something else entirely. 

“No.” I said simply with a finality in my tone that I hoped would get him off my back. 

“Alright. In that case you are dismissed.” 

I knew he didn’t believe me. His tone of voice had made that clear. It was that tentative I-know-you-are-hiding-something-from-me tone he used on me when he knew I was hiding something to try to coax me into speaking. Normally he would pursue the matter until he was satisfied, but he seemed to understand this time, an act of respect I was grateful for in this case. 

* * *

The next few days blurred amidst all the extra work I took on to keep myself busy, concentrating on anything else I could so I wouldn’t have time to focus on the thoughts increasingly keeping me up at night. Especially the dream I’d had the night after Morpheus had tried to get me to talk… 

* * *

_I was walking through a hallway of pure white that seemed to stretch on forever. There were doors on either side of me which also stretched on forever. I started to walk down one way, but then I heard a voice behind me whisper my name gently as if they were whispering in my ear. When I turned around however there was nobody there. I began to walk the other way scanning each side of the hall as I passed, but then I heard it again. I hurled around pulling my guns out but there was still nothing there. “Alright, who’s there?” I demanded, trying to control my voice, but unable to keep my fear from seeping through. “Who’s there?” I demanded louder to no avail. “Who’s there?!” I yelled finally, my heart racing from the suspense. Then I heard a sound like a rushing wind and the feeling enveloped me completely. The sense I got from it was breathtaking. The wind was filled with a man’s voice, the same voice that had whispered in my ear. “Trinity” was all he said over and over in a voice so deep and soft and gentle it made me shiver. I wasn’t afraid anymore. “Who are you?” I whispered, abandoning myself to the moment. “My name is Neo.” He said simply with a tone I couldn’t accurately judge. “What are you?” I prodded. When he didn’t answer I asked him again, getting impatient. “What are you?” Suddenly the wind stopped and a man stood before me. He was tall and slender but well built with a quiet strength about him that immediately drew me in. It took me a moment to work up the courage to look at his face, but then just before I did…_

I awoke in a cold sweat, sitting bolt upright, head reeling, breathing hard and fast.  
  
“What the hell?!” I retorted, forcing myself to calm down and breathe normally, bringing my hand to my head and running it through my hair. I felt exhausted and yet awake all at once. No chance of going back to sleep now… I decided to relieve Tank from his watch just to keep my mind occupied and hold onto what was left of my sanity. 

* * *

The same dream invaded my sleep for a week straight after that. Each time I saw more of this Neo guy, thing, whatever the hell he/ it was. The last time he had taken off the sunglasses I’d discovered he was wearing. He’d looked deep into my eyes and touched my cheek gently in a way that made me feel like my skin was on fire. I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep each night, too embarrassingly hot and flustered to relax. The last dream was the one that bugged me the most. It felt too personal, too close to home. I didn’t even know who this man was and yet his presence felt familiar and intimate in a way that was unsettling, seeping into my bones against everything I believed.

Three days later, no matter what I did, I just couldn’t seem to get the vision out of my mind. His eyes had held mine so intensely, almost as if he was searching my very soul and adoring everything he discovered with a passion I had never seen. Normally I would feel violated if someone looked at me in that way, but his presence had been oddly soothing in a way that only seemed to draw me closer. I didn’t know what to think of my self anymore. As much as I wanted to test this feeling to know if it was stable and reliable, instead I found myself gradually to accept it as it was. 

I hadn’t placed blind faith in anything since I was a child. The feeling was so foreign to me as first that it was almost like an out of body experience. 

I remember the day Morpheus discovered him. That was the day that everything changed. 

* * *

“Heya Trinity.” 

I gazed up sharply from my bowl of goop. “Yes Mouse?” 

“Morpheus said to come and get you. He wants you to see something.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Did he say what?” 

“Nope.”

I found Morpheus sitting quietly in the core, arms crossed, rubbing his chin curiously. 

“You wanted to see me?” 

He turned around in his chair, his face exhilarated in that way he always looked when something had sparked his interest. “Yes. Sit down Trinity.” He gestured towards the screen. 

I took a seat giving him an incredulous look. _This had better be good._

“What do you see?” He asked as if he knew something I didn’t. 

“A man sleeping on his computer desk.” I replied flatly. _There has to be more to it than that._

He raised an eyebrow almost mischievously, a light twinkle in his eye. 

“What?” I retorted. He had successfully perked my interest, but I was still going to make him explain. 

Once he saw that I wasn’t going to guess any time soon, he spoke up. “His name is Thomas A. Anderson, but he goes by the hacker alias Neo. He’s been searching the net for over a year trying to find me and he’s been asking questions about the matrix.”

“Have you talked to him?” I kept my voice as level as I could to cover the way my pulse had begun to race at the mention of that name, trying very hard to believe it was just a coincidence. 

He smirked. “Not yet.” He got up then and started pacing the room purposefully. “I was going to ask you to do the honours.”

“Now?” 

“No.” He smiled lightly. “Not for a few weeks at least. I want you to monitor him Trinity. I think he’s got something.”

I felt a sense of dread wash over me. “You’re not suggesting he’s…”

“Maybe.” Morpheus interrupted me. “As I said, I have been watching him for two months. He’s one of the best hackers I’ve ever seen, he knows there’s something wrong with the world without a doubt…” He sat down again, gazing fascinated at the screen. “…But what I find very interesting is that he is changing things from the inside.”

My mouth fell open slightly. “That’s impossible.” I stated disbelieving. 

Morpheus smirked knowingly. “Apparently it is not.”

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What has he changed?”

“He unfroze his computer just by thinking it, he shortened his staircase by an entire flight when his elevator broke down, he even made time goes faster at work.” He paused, gazing over at my firm expression, the excitement evident in his face. “I think we’ve found something in him.”

I sighed lightly. “Why are you showing me this?”

“I want you to keep a close eye on him.”

“Why?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. 

Morpheus gave me a knowing look as he stood confidently. “Because I have a feeling you are going to be useful on this one.”

And then he left me alone with a sleeping geek as I cursed silently, wishing he would let it go. Taking a deep breath, I gazed up at the screen getting back some of my composure. He was starting to wake up. He lifted his head and rubbed his eyes wearily, gazing up at his screen. That was when I noticed it. He looked familiar somehow. I looked closer as he got up and walked around the room stretching out his shoulders and neck. I couldn’t escape the feeling that I’d seen him somewhere before. He lay down on his bed covering his face with his hands, and then let them rest above his head. That was when it hit me like a tone of bricks. 

He was the man from my dreams. _SHIT_.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are always welcome, but I would LOVE to hear feedback or suggestions anyone has on this. Happy reading!


End file.
